don’t you love going to bed late just so you can sleep through the day
grrr i hate when i binge
tired of being reminded how gross i am ..even if we’re joking… truth is: how i’m not good enough and disgusting and and fat i am is what’s on my mind every second of everyday
tired of being reminded how gross i look. even if we’re joking.. truth is: how disgusting & fat i am is whats on my mind every second of every day
letting clarity define me
rob thomas + national geographic + painting my nails a sparkly spring color is on the agenda for my Friday night
i’m tired of being fat, i want to be skinny. yeah yeah i may be at the “healthy weight” for my age. but i dont look how i want to look.
really struggling. tired of not having money. not being skinny enough. not being smart enough. not being funny enough. not being patient enough.
what I thought was looking to be like the best summer ever.. is now looking to be the worst
no license.
no lifegaurd certification.
no friends.
my best friend who lives in NC will be busy all summer.
tired of this.
Geez what a year it’s been. 365 days ago to this minute I was sitting in the car dreaming of what a new life in Maryland would be like.. of what I’d learn.. thinking about what dreams, potential, and memories I was leaving behind. And now I’m doing that same thing. I believe this is where I’m supposed to be, I can’t imagine being the person I am without having gone through everything I have this year, but I did imagine it differently. I imagined having friends, having a solid hobby, a boyfriend, being skinny, being closer or having closure with God.. but at the moment I don’t have a lot of friends, I have played indoor soccer.. definitely no boyfriend, wouldn’t call myself skinny (as least to my standards) and the whole God thing.. it’s been a journey. I might have even more questions than answers than I did a year ago.. So much wonder anticipation, fear of what’s to come of what I’m going to do with my life on the person I am and becoming I’m not sure whether to laugh or cry I’ve learned:
Life moves on even if you don’t feel like its moving
To just enjoy myself, not worry about what it is I should be doing or what people think of me
That life is a tragedy, the best I can do is try to not add to the madness
Life definitely isn’t always what I think it will be or thought it would be but that’s part of the journey.. and I think finding fulfillment. Learning to laugh in the happy times and the sad or hard times.
